The Cause of Human Emotional Suffering: Deluded Thinking and Disordered Desire
As we saw in the last chapter, human emotional suffering begins with deluded thinking which leads to excessive or disordered desire. Excessive or disordered desires, our “wants” and “don’t wants”, are the direct cause of human emotional suffering. As the Buddha noticed from his own experiences some 2, 500 years ago, when emotional suffering was present within him, desire was also present within him, and when emotional suffering was not present within him, he noticed desire also was not present within him. After carefully watching the interplay of desire and emotions within himself over a period of years, he correctly concluded that self-centered desires, or more accurately “False-Self” centered desires, are the cause of all afflictive or painful emotions.
We put this dynamic in the form of a weed:
As we saw, the dynamic works as follows. If a person believes a lie to be true (such as the lie: “I am a more worthwhile person if I have a lot of money”), that immediately leads to an excessive or disordered desire (such as the desire to have a lot of money). When that desire collides with reality, the way things are in this world, frustration, anger, anxiety, worry and other painful emotions arise, as the person tries to get and keep a lot of money. Then when that person encounters other people in daily life, the person comes from their deluded and emotionally painful state, and their words and actions will reveal this. Instead of being truly loving to others, they are likely to be somewhat abusive in their words and actions.
In this chapter, we will now look more deeply at each part of the weed, each aspect of the human mind.
Deluded Thinking: The Lies We Believe
We will begin with deluded thinking, the deepest cause of human emotional pain. Deluded thinking, the root cause of all emotional suffering, is represented by the roots of the weed.
The definition of “Deluded Thinking”, for purposes of this book is: Thinking that does not accord with reality, and does not accord with the way Jesus thinks. We will refer to any such deluded thoughts as “lies” and eventually contrast them with “ Truth”, the roots of the flower.
The average human being believes hundreds of lies to be true. Fortunately, for purposes of exposition, these lies tend to group together in three bunches, which make up the “False Self”, the deepest clump of roots in the weed.
The “False Self”: A Mass of Deluded Thinking
I AM:
- What I have
- What I do
- What other people think of me
The “False Self”: What I Have
The false self over identifies with what it has, and confuses “What it has with “who I am.”
The false over identifies with the body, thinking “I am young”, “ I am old”, “I am middle—aged”, “I am pretty”, “I am ugly”, “I am tall,” “I am short, and all the rest.
The false self over identifies with the money and possessions it has. “I am rich”, “I am poor”, “I am middle class”, “I live in the big house/small house/no house at all”, I drive a Chevy/Ford/Prius”, “I wear stylish clothes/simple clothes/tattered clothes.”
The false self over identifies with the various relationships it has. “ I am a son/daughter/wife/husband/partner/father/mother/sister/brother/friend/enemy.
The false self over identifies with its occupation or profession. “I am a doctor, barber, construction worker, housewife/house husband.”
The false self over identifies with country of origin, religious affiliations, and other group affiliations. “I am an Italian American/African American/Hispanic American.” “I am Protestant/Catholic/Jewish/Muslim/Agnostic/Atheist.” “I am a member of a bridge club/country club/Poker group/motorcycle gang.”
In summary, the first part of the false self is the many lies that say, “I am all the things I have.” While we all have many of the things mentioned above, it is important to realize these things are not who we are.
The “False Self”: What I Do.
The false self also over identifies with what it does, and confuses “What it does” with “Who I am.”
Most of the things we have, enumerated above, also involve a lot of doing, which further cements our false identification with it. Certainly the occupation we have and the relationships we have often involve a lot of time and effort, and doing. Men tend to identify themselves very strongly with their occupation, while women tend to identify strongly with their relationships.
The false self also identifies with hobbies and recreational activities we both have and do. “I am a golfer/tennis player/bowler/knitter/avid cook/dancer/gym rat.”
In summary, the second part of the false self is the many lies that say “I am all the things I do.” While we all do many of the things mentioned above, it is important to realize that what we do is not who we are.”
The “False Self”: What Other People Think of Me.
The false self also over identifies with what other people think of it, and confuses the “opinions of others” with “Who I am.”
The false self believes the lie: “I am a more worthwhile person if other people approve of me; and I am a less worthwhile person if other people disapprove of me.”
The approval or disapproval most often relates to what the person has or does: “ He is very good at his job”, “She is an excellent cook”, He is a lousy golfer”, She keeps a messy house.”
In summary, the third and final part of the false self is the many lies that say “I am what other people think of me.” While other people will have various opinions about us, it is important to realize that those opinions are not who we are.
This ends for now our focus on deluded thinking, the lies represented by the roots of the weed. For more on the “False Self”, I recommend two books: True Self/False Self by Basil Pennington and Invitation to Love by Thomas Keating. The latter book not only discusses the true self and false self, but how they relate to the entire spiritual journey into Divine Union, a subject we will also be covering.
Excessive or Disordered Desires
We now turn to the stem of the weed, which represents excessive or disordered desires. We mentioned in the first chapter that deluded thinking leads naturally and effortlessly to excessive or disordered desires. For example, if a person believes the lie that “I am a more worthwhile person if I have a lot of money and possessions”, a desire to have a lot of money and possessions naturally and effortlessly arises in the person. Similarly, if a person believes the lie that “I am a more worthwhile person if I do things well”, a desire to do things well naturally and effortlessly arises in the person. And if a person believes the lie that “I am a more worthwhile person if other people approve of me”, a desire to be approved of naturally and effortless arises in the person.
The average person believes hundreds of lies to be true, which leads in turn to the arising of hundreds of desires.
Fortunately, for purposes of exposition, these hundreds of desires can be clustered into three groups, just as the hundreds of believed lies could clustered into the three parts of the false self.
The first part of the “False Self”, which believes “ I am what I have”, leads directly to a desire to have a lot of money and possessions. This desire to “have enough” gets tied into the primal desire to survive, which can intensify this desire “to have enough to survive now and in the future” to inordinate heights.
Excessive Desire for Security
This excessive desire “ to have enough to survive now and in the future”,
We will call the excessive desire for security. This is the first cluster of desires, which arises from the first cluster of lies making up the “False Self.”
This desire for security includes physical security, financial security, and emotional security.
Physical security includes protection from harmful animals, humans, natural disasters, and diseases. It also includes food, clothing, and shelter and medical care so that we can survive and be comfortable, not hungry, cold or in pain.
Financial security includes a money income stream, or saved money or other resources to pay for the aforementioned things we need to be secure.
Emotional security refers to our closer relationships, especially with God, family and trusted friends, upon whom we believe we can rely when our security is at risk.
The Excessive Desire for Control
The second part of the “False Self”, which believes “ I am what I do” leads directly to a desire to do things just the way the “False Self” wants to do it. The “False Self” wants to control every situation and every other person to get the outcome it wants. The “False Self” often exercises control to achieve the security we discussed above. This desire for control is always self-centered, or more accurately “false self”-centered, and always in the service of the deluded, misguided “False Self.”
The Excessive Desire for Approval
The third part of the “False Self”, which believes “I am what other people think of me” leads directly to the desire for other people’s approval. The “False-Self” wants everyone to approve of it in every facet of its life: at home, at work, at church, on the golf course —- everywhere.
Given that everyone thinks somewhat differently than everyone else, and that nearly everyone is at least partially caught in the weed and therefore living out of their own “False-Self”, it is basically impossible to get everyone’s approval in every part of our life. Thus, as we will see, the desire for approval, like all excessive desires, gives rise to much emotional suffering.
In summary, the excessive or disordered desires, represented by the stem of the weed, can be clustered into three groups: the excessive desire for:
- Security
- Control
- Approval
Each of these clusters of desire arises from the three clusters of lies which make up the “False-Self.”
Lies: Lead To Desire for:
I AM:
What I Have ———————— Desire for Security
What I Do ———————— Desire for Control
What Others ———————— Desire forApproval
Think of Me
Painful or Afflictive Emotions
We now turn to the flowering portion of the weed, which represents painful or afflictive emotions. Once excessive or disordered desire has arisen in the human mind, painful emotions are sure to arise, just as the flowering portion of the weed arises once the stem arises.
Sooner or later reality will frustrate any excessive desire, leading to frustration, anger, anxiety, worry, sadness, depression and all the rest. If I have an excessive desire for approval for example, that desire sits there like a land mine until someone or something comes along and steps on it by criticizing me or putting me down. Then it explodes in a blast of painful emotions ranging from hurt to rage.
The same applies to our excessive desire for security and control. And the greater the number of these desires that are in us, the greater the frequency of emotional suffering. And the greater the intensity of any desire, the greater the intensity of the emotion pain, when that desire is frustrated.
Given that our excessive and disordered desires are the direct cause of all of our emotional suffering (assuming that the brain is functioning normally), it follows logically that we will want to drop all these desires. In the next chapter, we will see that the spiritual journey requires dropping these desires by developing a holy indifference to the way the world is and trusting God completely.
Abusive Action
We now turn to the fragrance of the weed, which represents abusive action. Abusive action includes words and deeds which are not loving. These words and deeds are the final step, the acting out, of a deluded mind experiencing emotional pain.
If the abusive action represents an intentional going against the will of God, the action rises to the level of “Sin”. Obviously, we want all of our actions to be loving, and the next chapter will show us how to get there.
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